Lexi, thank you so much for writing this. First off, I just want to say that you are not alone. My mind does almost exactly what you have described, and my constant, often graphic and intense suicidal ideation is so hard to deal with. I really emphasize with you. I moved to the US from the UK in 2019, and so I've seen both the NHS and the approach in this state. This blog has made me think about NHS Mental Health Reform. I'm going to write about that now! Thank you so much for posting this wonderful article - and I am so sorry you are feeling like this. You absolutely have my solidarity. Lots of my pieces are based on these experiences - they might resonate with you. If you want a friend like to some, let me know!