How to Survive Being a Trans Person Online
Hello, fellow trans people!
In this article, I hope to provide a few little tips that I hope will make it easier to protect your mental health. We all know that things are challenging right now, and so I think it is doubly important to do everything possible to keep yourself happy and safe. I want you to know that I need you and we need you — your presence in this world is special. If you have read any of my other articles here, you will know that I am effectively a professional at having terrible mental health. My bad... Please consider this cautionary advice from lived experience, then.
Some of these things are me taking a very conservative approach based on the times we are living in and your average trans person. I welcome other interpretations!
1. Do Not Read The Comments
Where trans hate thrives is in the comments on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and elsewhere online. Posts from prominent trans people, non-prominent trans people, and even from major organizations like the HRC and ACLU attract dozens, if not hundreds of comments that say bad things about trans people. To be clear, these comments are designed to hurt you. They are very rarely good-faith arguments.
And so do you know what you should do?
Ignore them. You do not need to read them, for they are only going to hurt you. They hurt me so much, and I really struggle to practice this. Yet we need to. Our lives are complicated and difficult enough without engaging what is ultimately digital self-harm. If there is no upside to viewing these comments and posts, and if we know it hurts us — why are we doing it?
Remember this quote?
‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’
That is me, and that is you.
2. Be Careful of What You Post
If you are not intending to become the next Dylan Mulvaney or Laverne Cox, there is literally no reason to post and expose your personal information on platforms where transphobic people can access it. We are in a time where it could well be used against us — please don’t do it. I write a lot about being trans and mental health, and I know that some of the information is probably too personal — yet I have a specific goal with what I am sharing.
It is much healthier (and safer) to share with a supportive community like your friends and (maybe) family. That close friends list on Instagram is your friend. Please do not expose yourself to risk unnecessarily — but whether it is worth it is up to you. I don’t think an Instagram or Twitter doxxing campaign is worth it.
3. Be Wary of Collaboration and Amplification
If you have a small account, the offer of collaboration or amplification with/by a much bigger account — like that of an organization or prominent figure — can be so exciting and enticing! It produces such a buzz, for finally, you are somebody. All of a sudden, your voice matters. Your talent is being recognized at long last. What a rush!
Just remember that with collaboration and amplification comes far greater scrutiny over your posts, your work, and your accounts. This can be a great thing, but it can also expose you in a way that is uncomfortable and attracts unwanted attention from transphobic accounts/people. Something I do, when I publish something big, is lockdown parts of my accounts to ensure I feel safer online. My mental health is fragile at the best of times, and so it is important to insulate myself from it as best I can.
So when that cool opportunity or online influence/clout appears, tread carefully and figure out a plan to help protect you in a way that feels good to you. You don’t want something great and exciting to stab you in the back!
4. Do Not Go Hunting for Hate
I fall into this trap a lot. I have a really bad day or night which leaves my mental health on the precipice, and instead of doing healthy coping mechanisms, I get sucked into a spiral of self-loathing and hate, browsing some of the worst anti-trans hate and narratives that I can find. I might read Fox, the comments below a pro-trans article, or even some far-right anti-trans videos on Youtube.
Bestie, I think that is just self-harm, and we both need to stop doing it. It just isn’t worth it, okay? Do the healthy coping mechanisms. Don’t give those people the satisfaction and views.
5. Take Breaks
I know that as trans people we are often terminally online people. That is fine! I think it is a product of being trans right now, where we find community most easily in online spaces like Discord, Twitch, and elsewhere. That is totally okay! I’m exactly the same. How else can I make friends with other trans people and discuss trans things safely? There is a reason we have created trans-specific spaces online. Even they can become overwhelming sometimes.
If you have to be online for work, particularly trawling social media, or perhaps you just are online a lot, it is kind of inevitable that you/we will come into contact with anti-trans material. Over minutes and hours, that really wears me down, and I assume that is the case for you. It can change my mood and influence how my mental health is for the rest of the day. I have now realized that having a break, even if just for ten minutes, where I stretch my legs, get out of my desk chair, or even have a walk outside, is really helpful. It is an opportunity to throw off all the gross nastiness and look after yourself for whatever online adventures you have next.
I should also note that there will probably be some trans support groups in your area, sometimes through a medical healthcare provider or a community non-profit. I go to one in Boston — it is online on Zoom. Others are in person.
Okay, friend!
I am so sorry that we are living through these times together, but we have community, care, and love to help build our futures. I am proud of you, and I hope this article helps a little. You’ve got this — we’ve got this.
If you have ideas, please comment them and I will look at including the good ones where I can.
